************************************************************************** * _ _ _ __ __ * * / \ __| |_ __ ___ (_)_ __ \ \ / /_ _ _ __ ___(TM) * * / _ \ / _` | '_ ` _ \| | '_ \ \ \ /\ / / _` | '__/ __| * * / ___ \ (_| | | | | | | | | | | \ V V / (_| | | \__ \ * * /_/ \_\__,_|_| |_| |_|_|_| |_| \_/\_/ \__,_|_| |___/ * * * * * * * * A true life saga spanning both time and space as one group of people * * struggle against the tyranny of an evil empire. * ************************************************************************** A Two Peneth Worth Production for Wizzard Enterprises (C) 1996 ============================================================== Written and Directed by Rincewind T. Wizzard For the first time, Complete and Unabridged ------------------------------------------- "Unmissable" New York Post "*ROTFL*" Sebastian "Superb!!!! *rotfl* *lol* *fdl* *etc, etc...*" Milgi "I nearly choked on my pizza" Viol "*LOL*" Borg "All I can say is *ROFL* :) good one hehe" Pythor "I have to say this is the funniest thing I have ever read!" Mr Matt "A tour de force by this unknown author, surely one to watch" The Guardian "*The* greatest thing I've seen in a long time" Felix Heimaey -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TITLE: Admin Wars (Episode IV: A New Rulebook) PLOT: Following the steadily worsening of relations between members of the Imperial admin, a splinter group has emerged vowing to return the GALAX Soft to its former greatness... [SCENE: A hi-tech room full of computers] POGO: We have discovered plans of our secret weapon in the hands of the rebels, Manager. We cannot allow them to access them, they may find a weakness. SIMPERING SENIOR ADMIN: But Pogo this BBStation we have is untouchable. UNICORN: Don't be too proud of the technological terror you're in charge of, it is nothing compared with the power I hold. SIMPERING SENIOR ADMIN: Your powers don't scare me (choke, choke, collapse) [MINIONS appear and drag the new XBuilder out of the room] POGO: The rebels may still suprise us. UNICORN: Yes, I feel a power among them... Launch the droning message! [SCENE: That same room] [ANON EX-ADMIN dragged into room] ANON EX-ADMIN: Manager, I should have known it was you. I felt your 'scan' the moment I logged on. The Imperial Supreme Being will not sit for this, when he finds out you have forced the demotion of good hard-working senior admin... UNICORN: Silence! You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a spy, take them away! ANON EX-ADMIN: [To AUDIENCE] Help me Sebasti-an, you're my only hope. [Later] UNICORN: They are remarkably resistant to the mail to all your friends, even to the bits about 'corrupt usurpers' and 'terrorists'... and I thought they were pretty good. POGO: No matter, I shall arrange a demonstration of our secret weapon... [ANON EX-ADMIN is dragged into the room again kicking and screaming] ANON EX-ADMIN: I'll never talk, never, you hear me!? POGO: Tell us the location and plans of the Rebel Alliance or we will rend the rules apart with our secret weapon... ANON EX-ADMIN: They're on UglyMug, they all plan to defect... POGO: Excellent, continue with the demonstration. ANON EX-ADMIN: (Flinging self forward) Noooo! [SCENE: Planet of Tau Ceti Zeta] POPULATION: (In unison) Argh, no, our democracy is disapearing!!!! [Various resignations, back-biting and BBS postings] [SCENE: Desolate Wasteland (#0 RADHr)] DAFTSOD'S DAD: Oi, Daftsod look at your screen. DAFTSOD: Aww, do I have to help the new user, I was going to go into town to pick up some new hard code. DAFSOD'S DAD: No, type 'assist' and get on with it. DAFTSOD: (Sighing) Yes sir. [Some time later, you know the plot etc, etc] SEBASTIAN: ... and you must learn the ways of Democracy if you're to come with me to the planet of Tau Ceti Zeta. DAFTSOD: But what about my friends, my family? SEBASTIAN: This is for the good of the game, play along! [More plot skipping, easy enough, you just film a clock with the hands going really fast (-: ] [SCENE: The computer room] UNICORN: So you have come to challenge me Sebasti-an, you know that I am the master now. SEBASTIAN: If you are demoted you will be nothing, but if I am demoted I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine... [UNICORN and SEBASTIAN battle with rolled up copies of TCZ rules] UNICORN: [Swinging much thicker set of rules and regs on admin promotion] I have you now! SEBASTIAN: I resign! [SEBASTIAN dissapears in a puff of binary digits] STAR TREK COMPUTER VOICE: Sebastian has disconnected from admin. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TITLE: The Admin Strike Back PLOT: The Empire has been semi-vanquished but trouble is brewing... [SCENE: The ubiqutous computer room] UNICORN: I want no more screw-ups this time! We do it right and we paste these rebels once and for all... POGO: [Fawning] Yes sir! [SCENE: Tau Ceti Zeta (A cold bit)] DAFTSOD: I wish Sebasti-an was here to guide me... SEBASTIAN: I am here, I will always be here, I was voted to stay, remember! DAFTSOD: Doh! Of course. STAR TREK COMPUTER VOICE: Senior admin approaching... DAFTSOD: Quick escape, we're not strong enough yet to mount a defense. MRFROG: But we can fill the gripe logs of the oncoming Empire with complaints, that should slow them down a bit. [MRFROG is booted by Imperial forces for griping!] MRFROG: You'll never take me alive, ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!!!!!! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TITLE: Return of the Admin PLOT: The Empire is building a new secret weapon, it is up to the intrepid ex-admin to stop them once and for all... [SCENE: Rebel Stronghold] ANON EX-ADMIN(1): We need someone to lead this raid on the base of the Empire's voting power, it will be dangerous but it can be done. DAFTSOD: I and my band of merry ex-admin friends are ready to go! ANON EX-ADMIN(2): You watch, I'm like a red shirted extra in Star Trek, five minutes and I'm moron material. [SCENE: On the Empire's BBS] DAFTSOD: You take care of the secret weapon, I'll take out the leaders of this sorry mess... ANON EX-ADMIN: (In unison) Yes sir, we'll spam the BBS so much that you will be able to slip inside. [SCENE: That room, you know, with the flashing lights and everything] SUPREME BEING: If you wish to lure Daftsod over to the un-democratic side, you must bring him to me Unicorn, only then may we turn him... together. UNICORN: Yes, my lord. [Later] DAFTSOD: You will never force me to betray my friends, you have failed my lord. SUPREME BEING: Look on the BBS below, see as you friends' messages are deleted, watch as the topics they write under are eradicated. You have no power, the Rebel Alliance is nothing!! DAFTSOD: (Moaning) Nooooo! SUPREME BEING: Let go your anger, your common sense, your feelings of right and wrong and join the un-democratic side. Take an Elder flag and take your place by my side... DAFTSOD: No, never!! [DAFTSOD and UNICORN fight with rolled up copies of TCZ rules...] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TITLE: Admin Wars: The Final Chapter (aka. TCZ 5) PLOT: It is the dawn of the Third Age of TCZ kind. One weekend after the Rebel Admin Wars. The TCZ admin reinstatement project was a dream given form. Its goal, to prevent another war by creating a place where admin and users could work out their differences peacefully. It's a port of call - a home away from home for net users. Admin and mortals wrapped in 120Mhz of processing chip. It's a dangerous place with lag at every turn. But it's our last best hope for peace. This is the story of the last of the semi-decent MUDs. The year is 1996. The name of the place... is The Chatting Zone. [Cue Babylon 5 music and funky rendered graphics] [Sorry, couldn't resist it, it begged to be used! (-: ] [SCENE: That room, for what may be the very last time] POGO: Manager, the rebels have no power, their brief coup has been thwarted, you are now the Supreme Power in the Galaxsoft. UNICORN: Yes, nothing can stop me now! [Suddenly a voice from above...] SUPREME BEING: Unicorn, you've been a very naughty boy. Because of you I lost almost all of my admin to that damned Rebel Alliance. I'm sorry my lad but it's time for a demoting... UNICORN: Noooo, I'll be good I promise, I'll not promote Pogo just 'cos she wanted to be an Elder and there were spaces free, I'll not look all lordy and laugh derisively at other people, I'll, I'll... SUPREME BEING: No, you ignored a democratic vote and pissed off a whole wad of people, including that Rincewind character who's in the process of lampooning this whole sorry affair and I can't take the publicity (or his rampant wit) any longer. Yep, your Experienced Buildership beckons . [He looks down at Pogo] SUPREME BEING: And don't think you get away scot free my girl, you're going down too, and I don't just mean in the physical sense! POGO and UNICORN: Oh no, please, we'll be good! SUPREME BEING: No, for once, my decision is final. [Cue lightning and unearthly screams like in Ghost when the demons come for the dead bad guys out of the shadows] [SCENE: The Rebel Base (Temp TCZ)] STAR TREK COMPUTER VOICE: The Manager and his evil sidekick have been defeated, we have won, the empire has fallen! May the Democracy be with you, always. ANON REINSTATED ADMIN(1): Three cheers for The Supreme Being, he finally realised his mistake. ANON REINSTATED ADMIN(2): Yes, long live The Chatting Zone, may it's user base grow ever larger! AXEL: Hey, hey, I feel all powerful again. I can abuse my power just like in the old days and not have that Pogo woman breathing down my neck. Happy, happy, joy!!! Who's for a random booting and a shout to really piss her off, eh? HAWKEYE: Hey, call me dull and boring... CHORUS of Reinstated Admin: You're dull and boring!! HAWKEYE: ...Yes, thanks, but I didn't even bother to resign, I KNEW the Empire was flawed from the inside, like a rotten apple... CHORUS of Reinstated Admin: Shyeah, right! You were just too laid back to take an interest! HAWKEYE: O.K. the secret's out, so sue me . DAFTSOD: You know, _I_ always thought we'd get back one day... I knew the power of Democracy would prevail in the end. SEBASTIAN: Yes, me too, as soon as we mentioned the move to UglyMug the Supreme Being folded faster than Superman on laundry day! DAFTSOD and SEBASTIAN: [Laughter and jolly japes] BORG: You'll never guess what I've gone and done . I've only gone and set Unicorn as a Moron. ALL: Huzzah! The Truth Is Out There! [General frivolity, joyous scenes, people dancing, rampant sex, etc, etc] [SCENE: Darkened room, lit by bad lighting to give it that evil feel] UNICORN [MQH-]: One day I will have my revenge, it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine... POGO [XQH-]: There, there dear, just try to stay calm while I wipe the foaming spittle from your chin and adjust the fit of your white coat with extra long sleeves. [Manic laughter from Unicorn, fading out] [The camera moves back into the darkness leaving the hapless couple hunched over a Vic 20 attached to a 2400 baud modem] THE END