Windows NT User Obliteration
You know you've always wanted to do it. Don't deny it. You sit there through
whatever twisted route you tried to avoid, the administrator of at least one NT
box. It doesn't actually matter how many boxes you administer. One or four
hundred and one. Either way you're pretty damned sure you've already descended
into the seventh level of Hell.
It sucks being you.
So, now what? Well, apart from the twenty-four hour job you're now landed with
you're about to learn more than you ever wished about the registers that NT
tries to use to negotiate its way through its hourly uptimes. This is because
before long you'll be seeing the Blue Screen of Death as NT regurgutates the
work you were attempting to do all over the screen in a messy imitation of an
brief-lived epileptic episode in navy.
With luck you're not administering an NT server. If you are you're admitted to
that very special hell reserver for 'Domain Adminstrators'. Don't try to escape.
As the voiceover guy says "We control the horizontal and the vertical". That's
the directions your sanity will bounce other time.
Now that you know what the face of horror is, it's time to add the lusers. You
may have set your machines up 'prefectly' (although many people have put forth
the opinion that a perfectly set up NT workstation will slowly become corrupt by
attracting any bad karma in the area) but it's not going to stay like that once
someone starts using it. Simply accessing files can cause MASSIVE SYSTEM
INSTABILITIES and should be avoided at all costs. Don't even try to think
about the people who load their favourite screen savers, calendar applications
and nude screen popups and what's happening in the pit of worms called the
If you don't feel pissed, disheartened and vaguely homicidal now, you soon will.
Either way, by the time that situation comes around you'll appreciate this
T-shirt all the more. It may have some pink on it, but the mushroom cloud is
really good. Don't you wish you could attach a small thermonuclear device to
all your NT machines, think how good that would feel. Now imagine pressing the
button. Go on, close your eyes and tell people to ignore the throaty and
slightly derranged chuckling.
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